no fairytale
by cherry88
Summary: Darcy never succeeded in finding Wickham and Lydia on time. Wickham left the young girl pregnant and fled to the continent. The Bennet family is ruined. Too ashamed to stay near Longbourn, Elizabeth decides to leave her family to become a governess in town.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello dearest P&P readers. I have read many, many, many of your fanfictions and enjoyed them so much. I thought it was time to join you in writing. This is my first P&P story. I'm not English myself, so please excuse me when I make mistakes in the use of words or spelling. Please feel free to explain some regency things or PM me with your thoughts and wishes. I know where the first three chapters will lead to, but not beyond.**

**I won't promise anything about my posting schedule. It may take a week, or maybe a month before I post again.**

**Please enjoy this first chapter and let me know what you think!**

Thanks to _Lalizi_ for editing!

* * *

_Intro: Darcy never succeeded in finding Wickham and Lydia on time. Wickham left the young girl pregnant and fled to the continent. The Bennet family is ruined. Too ashamed to stay near Longbourn, Elizabeth decides to leave her family to become a governess in town._

.

* * *

_London_

"Now the bed time story is over, it's time to close your eyes, dear Thomas. I see your sister Mary is already fast asleep," Elizabeth whispered to the boy and closed the book she held in her lap.

"But – but,… did the prince and princess live happily ever after?" the boy asked in an enthusiastic manner.

"Of course!" Elizabeth smiled warmly. "They stayed together forever. They rode their horses together, took their walks together, maybe they even had some little princes and princesses to look after. They were very happy indeed," she smiled, picturing the face of a handsome man she once knew. Over time, the images in her head had become blurry. Only a vague face remained to haunt her dreams. She remembered his dark curls and slight smile that had seemed only reserved for her.

Still, after two years of his absence, his face came to her mind with every prince in every fairytale she read to the children. She wished, rather than believed, he was somewhere safe and happy in the world, not thinking to ill of her.

Little Thomas didn't notice anything of the distracted governess and just nodded and pulled his blanket to his chin. Elizabeth tucked him in and whished him goodnight. After softly closing the door behind her, she leaned against it with an inaudible sigh. She closed her eyes and tried to call back the images of her memory. _His touches when he comforted her at the inn of Lambton, his eyes when he left her, the crack in his voice when he said his hurried goodbyes, the sound of a closing door,…_ Elizabeth's eyes shot open. _No more of this!_ _It's in the past!_ she told herself, and walked down the hallway, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind.

* * *

The next morning, Elizabeth took the children to their father's bookshop. HIGHATS' RARE BOOKS, it was called, and it was largely written on the front.

It was time for their reading and spelling lessons. Although the children were still very young to be taught so much, it was their father's special wish. As soon as they would be old enough, they would need to help in the shop. The sooner they learned, the faster they could learn to take over the business.

Elizabeth tried to make the lessons as pleasant as possible. She had made a cozy little sitting place in the back, so they could read without being disturbed by the customers. Or, to make it sound more acceptable to her master, 'so the children couldn't disturb the customers'. Although the children listened very well, they couldn't concentrate and sit still for very long. It had happened several times that one of the youngsters tried to sneak into the shop to see which rich man or woman came to buy something from their store.

Elizabeth had just finished reading a short story from _T__he History of Sandford and Merton, _when the doorbell rang, informing them that someone was entering.

"Can I have a look, miss?" Thomas whispered, trying to be as silent as possible.

"You do remember what your father told you last time, don't you?" Elizabeth asked with a stern look.

"Yes miss. I'm not allowed in the shop when he is helping a consu-constum, comst,…" he tried.

"Customers," Elizabeth helped him.

"Yes, _CUStomers,_" he repeated, blushing.

Elizabeth smiled at the little Highat boy. "Good. So why don't we start with spelling the words I taught you yesterday. And today I can teach you the word _customer_, if you like?"

She turned around to fetch the writing supplies, when the voice of the new customer sent a shiver down her spine. She froze and listened to be sure she wasn't imagining things. She felt her cheeks redden up and took a deep breath to remain calm. Yes, she was sure.

It was _him_.

She had fantasized about such a moment in many a sleepless night. But now,… Now she didn't know how to react. She wasn't allowed to speak with anyone in the shop and at this point, she didn't know if she actually wanted to.

The humiliation….what would he think of her after all this time?

She listened to the formal conversation that happened between the two men. He was looking for a special book, but sounded grave, slightly annoyed. Mr. Highat started rummaging around the shop to look for the requested article, when little Mary suddenly tucked at Elizabeth's dress.

"Miss! Miss! Thomas!"

Elizabeth was taken out of her reverie in an instant. She hadn't paid attention to the boy!

She turned back around to see what he was up to, but when she looked around, he was nowhere to be seen. The boy was as curious as she had been at that age.

The thing she dreaded most was now inevitable. She had to enter the shop herself to retrieve the boy. She knew Mr. Highat would punish her later for not looking after the children properly. He hated to be interrupted, especially when he was with an important client. She could handle a rant. For now she only wished she was quick enough so Mr. Darcy wouldn't notice her. _Mr. Darcy_, she repeated in her head. She took another deep breath before entering.

She was happy to see the boy just around one of the bookcases, staring wide-eyed at the tall man with the highest hat he had probably ever seen. Elizabeth glanced at Darcy only a second before kneeling down and grabbing the boy's wrist. She pulled him close so she could pick him up and leave unseen. She was about to step back to their small little place in the back and released the breath she was holding, when she heard her name.

"_M-Miss Bennet?!" _

It took a few seconds before she turned to where the sound had come from. Her heart pounded fast. She had the boy still in her arms and she could feel him hold his breath too. He hurriedly wrapped his arms around Elizabeth's neck to seek cover.

His voice had sounded surprised. Astonished even. Now she had turned and stood facing him, staring at the ground, too ashamed to look at him. She curtsied slightly and for just a second her eyes met his gaze. Her cheeks flushed pink. She hugged the little boy closer to remain calm. She could barely breath.

"Mr. Darcy, Sir, you know my governess?" the voice of Mr. Highat sounded heavy but curious.

It was silent for a few seconds again. It was like Darcy hadn't heard Mr. Highat's question at all. _Would he openly acknowledge their acquaintance?_ Elizabeth couldn't wait for an answer and lifted her eyelids to know what he would do. She looked back at him.

_Was she right to notice a little blush on his cheeks too? He looked severe, but there was a sparkle in his eyes. Or was she imagining things? _

"Yes," he suddenly spoke loud and clear, but in a formal tone. To Elizabeth's astonishment he nodded to her, barely visible, and then added, "Our paths have crossed several times."

Mr. Highat was clearly amazed, and stuttered something that Elizabeth didn't hear. It felt like her head was full of cotton. Little Thomas apparently noticed the returning calmness in the room, because he finally looked up and brushed some curls from his governess' face.

"You tickle me, Miss," he giggled, hoping the silence was an indication that he already was forgiven. Elizabeth smiled at him, relieved that he broke the tension.

Mr. Highat still tried to have polite conversation with Mr. Darcy, but the last was not so interested. Mid sentence, Darcy stepped closer to Elizabeth and coolly asked for the boy's name. Elizabeth introduced little Thomas and Mary - who just peaked around the bookcase to see what was happening.

"Miss Elis'beth is my governess, Sir. She is the best we've ever had!" Thomas explained to his new acquaintance.

"And the only one you've ever had," Elizabeth added, chuckling softly.

"I'm sure she is," Darcy responded kindly and brushed a hand through Thomas' blonde hair. It made the boy giggle.

Elizabeth felt Darcy's eyes on her. So close, he seemed even taller, looking down on her.

Mr. Highat ended their awkward silence. "Miss Bennet, I believe it is time for the children's morning walk. I'm sure they are in need of some fresh air."

Elizabeth remembered her position and curtsied, before hurrying off to get their things. Of course Mr. Highat wanted her out of his way.

She glanced at Darcy one last time, before dragging the disappointed little ones outside.

A soft April breeze filled Elizabeth's lungs. It was a welcome relief for her flushed cheeks and burning body. She closed her eyes momentarily to regain her composure and catch her breath, until the children pulled at her hands.

"Let's go to the big garden, Miss," Thomas suggested.

Elizabeth nodded.

"Can I join you on your walk?" a voice came from behind. Elizabeth startled. For a moment she didn't know what to say. He had come up to them in only a second.

Darcy offered her his arm.

"Yes Sir, you are very welcome," she finally managed to reply and put her hand in the crook of his arm.

* * *

Fitzwilliam Darcy couldn't believe his luck. He couldn't have been more astonished when he found Miss Elizabeth Bennet in the bookstore just now. He had still been annoyed about having to travel to this part of town, because his usual bookstore couldn't get the book he was looking for. He was thankful now for this most welcome coincidence.

It had almost been impossible for him to speak. He had been thinking about her the last two years. Every day he wondered how she was faring. Every woman he met he compared to her. In every newspaper, he looked for her name, hoping there was no marriage announcement. Still, he hoped she had found some kind of happiness after what happened to her sister.

And suddenly he could stop hoping, wishing and comparing, because she was in front of him…and she was even more beautiful than in his dreams.

Yes, he thought to himself, she had lost some weight; her curls where a bit messier and her dress suited to her post as governess. But her eyes still radiated her energy and her smile had rarely given him more pleasure. He had noticed how her soft cheeks burned when she looked at him. He could see she was embarrassed and didn't dare look at him.

Before he knew it, she had left. He only had to process this for a few seconds, before coming to the conclusion he couldn't let her go again. He had to know what had happened to her, to find her as a governess in a bookshop.

"Mr. Darcy, what about the book?" the shopkeeper had asked while he exited.

"If you find it, please send word to my townhouse," he handed the man his card, tipped his hat and left. The doorbell rang loudly when the door shut behind him.

They walked several minutes in awkward silence. Both didn't know what to say or ask. Darcy wanted to inquire about her family's health, but knew better. She wasn't in town for no reason. The last time he had seen her sister Lydia, he had known it wasn't going to end well for her family. But there was nothing he could have done. He swallowed away his memories.

Thomas walked just in front of them and Mary sweetly held Elizabeth's hand. It wasn't a good time to ask anything about her situation. He was happy when they reached to park and the children where allowed to walk on their own.

"I can see the children like you very much," Darcy finally began. He had to start a conversation somewhere.

"Oh yes, and I adore them too. Although I grew up with several younger sisters, they never were as willing and sweet as these two," she looked up at him and smiled.

"Then…. you must be lucky to have found such a position," his voice trailed away, not knowing if she wanted to explain things to him.

"Yes, very lucky indeed. My uncle, Mr. Gardiner, arranged it for me. He and Mr. Highat were neighbors as boys. He knew it would be a good family for me," Elizabeth told him.

When Darcy remained silent and looked a bit distressed, she continued. She knew he would feel uncomfortable to ask more questions.

"I know you've heard about my youngest sister. You happened upon me at a moment I had just read Jane's letter.….. and I told you she had eloped," Elizabeth looked away into the distance. Although she was ashamed, she also remembered his look. And she still wondered why he had come that morning.

"I thought nothing could get worse. I knew what sort of man Wickham was… "

Darcy huffed at that name in agreement.

"…But soon after she arrived home unmarried, she found out she was with child. I begged my parents to send her away. Although I loved her, she was ruining our family again and again. Our prospects were never very high, but after that news, there was nothing left for us to dream about."

Before Darcy could say something, she continued again.

"Lydia was always my mother's favorite child. But I expected that my father would intervene." Elizabeth felt Darcy's eyes on her, when she sadly told him, "but he did _not_."

"To make things worse, she had the little babe and named him after his father. _Little George._ I couldn't bare it. She still loved Wickham and blamed it all on a big misunderstanding. She was sure he would return. And thus the little boy was cared for as if he was a prince. My mother dotes upon him and Lydia acts like she is the mistress of the house now. They don't care for the fact that everyone in Meryton turns their head when we walk by. Even Jane, who is kindness herself and bares almost everything, couldn't take it anymore."

Darcy squeezed his own hand into a fist. How could her parents allow this to happen?! Putting their most insolent girl before of the older and wiser ones. He should have gone to Elizabeth and protect her.

"So, we asked our aunt and uncle for help. And though Jane can keep a tight household and loves children... It think it is easier for me to live without my family. We cannot both invite ourselves to stay and intrude on their privacy for too long. Jane takes good care of our cousins, and I take care of the little Highats."

Her story was clearly finished, but Darcy was not at all satisfied.

He tried to form a sentence, but he could not. He stuttered some words and Elizabeth look at him with a smile.

"Please don't worry yourself Mr. Darcy. I'm perfectly content with my situation. I chose to leave and make my own life. I cannot change my past, but I can make my own decisions for my future."

"Madam, you are right, of course. But did you not consider other options?" Darcy wondered.

"Oh, if you mean marriage, then I can assure you, only the deepest love can persuade me into matrimony" – here she felt her inside tingle from her memories and looked down. "Only a fool would marry a Bennet girl now... and I could never love a fool. I choose to be rather poor than unhappy," she answered. Smiling like her old witty self again. He was surprised how positive she sounded in the midst of her situation.

"Aren't we all fools in love?" he asked her.

She chuckled. "Yes, maybe you are right," and her cheeks blushed a soft shade of pink.

They where more than halfway around the park and had walked in silence for a minute, when Elizabeth began a new subject.

"How is you sister Sir? Is she in town at the present?"

"Yes she is. She is very well. It is her first Season and I believe she rather likes it," he smiled, thinking about his sweet Georgiana who was now almost a woman.

"I'm glad to hear it. Has she many admirers?" she wondered.

"More than a brother would wish for. But she is still very young and I believe she will not make a hasty decision after…. after,… well,… you know what happened." The frown on his forehead increased.

"Of course. But she is older now and the experience and social gatherings will do her good. Please send her my best wishes."

"I thank you. She will be glad to hear from you."

This made Darcy think, since they had almost reached the end of the path. He had to make sure he would have another chance to see her.

He quickly asked "Miss Elizabeth, would you allow me to call on you,… with my sister, that is,… tomorrow morning? I'm sure she would like to renew her acquaintance with you too."

"Oh," now Miss Bennet looked a bit forlorn.

"What is it? Please, is there something wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Darcy. As a servant, it is not possible for me to receive calls. I don't think it is appropriate and I'm sure Mrs. Highat would not like it."

Darcy closed his eyes. How could he be so stupid?

"But,.." Elizabeth said before he could apologize, "I have an afternoon off every fortnight - every other Sunday after church. I usually spend it with Jane and my aunt and uncle, but I can write her to inform her if I have other plans."

Darcy grumbled inside himself. He didn't want to wait another five days – or longer, but he had no choice. "Are you free next Sunday?"

"Yes, I am Sir."

"Why don't you join me and Georgiana for some tea, after church? I'm sure she would enjoy your company," - _and so would I_ – he added in his thought.

"I Thank you. It would be my pleasure," and she smiled at him nervously.

He handed her his card for his address and bowed most elegantly.

"Good day Sir," she curtsied

"Good day, Miss Bennet," and he walked away.

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_Please review ^_^_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm overwhelmed by all the reviews and follows! I feel quite some pressure now ;-)**

**I hope you enjoy this one as well. **

**I will keep writing both Darcy's and Elizabeth's POV. And to all the readers who wonder how there will be a HEA… just wait and see. This is no fairytale, remember ;-)**

_Thanks again to lalizi for the fast edit during her holiday!_

* * *

That night, Darcy dreamed about a beautiful girl, laughing and dancing with a few children in a park - little boys and girls with curly black hair. He woke up feeling like a younger man.

It was a bit later then usual when he sat down to break his fast and he took the newspaper to read the latest news. Although it was always most unconsciously done, he smirked to himself when he realized he could skip a certain section now he knew how Miss Bennet was faring. A little smile crept on his face.

At exactly that moment, his sister chose to enter the room. She noticed his emotion.

"Good morning sister." Darcy welcomed her warmly.

"Oh, a good morning to you as well brother. I can see that you are in good spirits," she answered with a grin.

Darcy raised his eyebrows to his sister. "Yes, I am well," he said, trying to hide his cheerful mood. But it was of no use.

"Did anything nice happen to you this morning?" Georgiana asked curiously.

"Why? What do you mean?" he still tried to pretend nothing was amiss.

"Don't try to hide anything from me Fitzwilliam. I can see you smirking behind that newspaper… and I haven't seen you smile like that in..… in… ages."

"I do smile - every so often. If I have reason too." He tried to look a bit graver.

"I can't seem to remember the last time. I love you, brother, but you are always so serious. Although you speak warmly to me, I rarely see you smile. Don't take me wrong. I only want to see you happy," she smiled back at him.

"You are my younger sister. You must not worry about my happiness. That's my own task," he replied.

"Yes, that can be so. But you still haven't told me your reason to smile this morning. If you have good news, why don't you share it with me?" said Georgiana as she tried to look very charming for her brother.

"It's nothing, really," he said like it didn't matter much.

Georgiana gave him a look to tell her more.

"I have reason to believe we will have a guest next Sunday, for tea. I hope you will be present." He blushed behind his newspaper and felt very hot.

"Is it someone I know?" Georgiana asked.

"I believe so."

"So, you're not sure?" This was getting mysterious, she thought.

Darcy's mind was racing. Of course his sister wanted to know who was coming, and she had to be present. But he felt that his sister would become very suspicious about him inviting Miss Bennet to their home. He didn't want to be teased and questioned for four days. He liked it too much to have Elizabeth in his thoughts as his own little secret and to dream about her without interference. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to explain about Miss Bennet's situation.

The silence was becoming awkward.

"Yes, you know this person," he finally relented and he smiled at her when he saw her disappointment for not getting more information.

For some minutes, Georgina tried to lure him in telling who would be the visitor, but she didn't succeed at all. Darcy was laughing out loud when she even named absurd people who might be coming to visit them. When he thought it was enough, Darcy closed his paper and walked out the room with a smile on his face. Georgina stayed behind, sulking.

* * *

Elizabeth had been looking forward to her next afternoon off from work. She had written a note to Jane, informing her she would have tea at the Darcy town house, instead of spending her day with the Gardiners. Of course Jane had written a long letter back, wondering how Elizabeth had renewed their acquaintance and wishing her a joyful day. She also wished to receive a long letter after the event to hear all the details.

Jane probably remembered how Elizabeth had felt about Mr. Darcy, just before their family had fallen into bad tidings, but Jane was so kind as not to mention anything about it.

As Elizabeth did not have many opportunities to go out much, or actually, none at all, her wardrobe was quite plain. She had some old dresses that looked good enough for a governess… And she had one cream colored dress which was slightly better, to wear every Sunday to church. There was a small rip in the back, but she had tried to fix it as best she could. Elizabeth had saved some money to buy some new fabric, but she had had too little time and it had been too late to start making a proper dress for her visit to the Darcy's. She felt slightly uncomfortable, but she had no choice. They had to accept her new situation in life, which didn't include fine dresses. Although they would probably notice, she was sure they wouldn't mention it.

On Saturday evening, Elizabeth took her weekly bath when everyone had gone to bed and she made sure not to be economical with her soap. After that, she studied her face in front of her bedroom's mirror, wondering if she had lost her glow. Her eyes looked a bit tired and her skin was less tanned. Without the opportunity to go out on a walk much, she had lost her rosy cheeks. She had never thought herself a beauty and although she realized she had changed, she was at peace with herself.

Church on Sunday was a slow event and it took Elizabeth quite some energy to stay concentrated on whatever wisdom the vicar was imparting. Normally she listened with patience, but today it felt like he took forever.

After saying goodbye to the Highat family, Elizabeth started her walk to Grosvenor Square. She hadn't told the Highat family about her change of plans, so she took the same road she would have taken if she had visited the Gardiners, only to not make them suspicious. Elizabeth had to walk for more than half an hour, before she reached the house she was looking for. Again it showed how little she was. The white house was nicely situated in the middle of the street. She counted _at least_ six windows to the side and 4 floors up. To be able to afford something that big and luxurious… it was beyond her dreams and wishes. She was in awe. In her situation, to be invited by such a family felt like quite an honor. She was becoming quite nervous to call at such a house and only hoped Mr. Darcy hadn't changed his mind about her visit. She wondered if he had only invited her to be polite, or if he really wanted to be in her company. She tried to deny the fluttering she felt coming up in her stomach from her last thought.

She would find out soon enough what he was thinking. She took a deep breath, walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.

* * *

Darcy had been fidgety all morning. Even in church he couldn't pay much attention. All he wanted to do was go home and prepare for the visit of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. There wasn't much he could do, though. Everything had been arranged with the housekeeper, but, his body stayed restless. As soon as church was over, he said his goodbyes and he and his sister drove back in their carriage.

They refreshed themselves before meeting in the parlor to await their guest. It took a little longer than they expected and Darcy started to feel agitated. He hoped that she hadn't forgotten. He wondered if he should have sent her a note to confirm his invitation. He stood up and walked to the window.

Georgiana, who previously had been a little nervous, now became all the more curious from seeing her brother's behavior.

"I believe you are more nervous than I am." Georgiana interrupted his thoughts with a smile.

"Not nervous, really. I'd rather call it _impatient_," he calmly explained to her, still looking outside. "There's no reason to be nervous, I assure you," he added after a pause.

"Well, how should I know if I don't know who is coming? I still can't believe you haven't revealed anything. Not a hint! You must be the most secretive person in town. You never give me anything to gossip about," Georgina tried to tease.

"You know I hate gossip and rumors."

Georgiana thought for a few seconds, before asking, "…. and is this why you want this guest to remain a secret? Because it is likely to spread stories if people knew about it?"

Georgiana looked at her brother and he just nodded his head in silence, before he spoke.

"It is not the most important reason, but you are right. I don't believe her visit would be looked upon kindly by our social circle." Darcy finally decided to give her a piece of information. He turned to look at his sister's reaction.

Georgiana's brow furrowed. "It is a woman?"

"She is… And I see your brain is already rattling. That is the main reason why I haven't told you before." He faced the window again to hide his embarrassment. He straightened his back to feel more in control.

"Oh William…," Georgiana smiled and gasped at this discovery. Darcy heard his sister walk up to him when suddenly the door creaked and a footman entered.

He coughed softly to inform them of his presence and announced their guest.

"Miss Bennet of Hertfordshire," and he bowed to take his leave.

Georgiana had no time to express her excitement to her brother, for the woman had already entered the room. Georgiana's eyes grew big and she pressed her lips in a smile. Since she was out it was her duty to welcome and entertain their guests. She stepped forward.

Darcy's eyes were instantly on Elizabeth. She was wearing a simple crème colored gown, which looked beautiful against her pail skin and dark curls. A small cross dangled from her necklace on her chest. He could see she tried to be confidant, but he saw through it. She smiled, but her breathing was shallow and she spoke more formally than he knew was her custom. He was set out to make her more comfortable.

After the first pleasantries with his sister, Elizabeth turned to him and looked through her lashes.

"Miss Bennet," he bowed.

"Mr. Darcy, I'm sorry I've kept you waiting so long."

"It is no problem, I assure you," he tried to make her feel at ease. "I hope you had no problems on your way here?"

"Not at all. It was only a longer walk than I expected," she replied.

"You are very fond on walking, are you not?" He asked after his initial shock that she had come on foot. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to him.

"Yes." He finally saw her smile sincerely and she held up her head a bit higher. "I love to walk whenever I get the chance. I have not had much opportunity here in town and I believe I'm not used to it as much as I would wish."

"Please, sit down so you can rest a bit. I will call for some tea." Darcy nodded to a footman and directed her with his hand to the seating arrangements. Elizabeth walked past him to sit on the settee. He took that moment to glance at his sister, who smiled mischievously behind her hand. He sighed softly.

Soon the tea, and all kinds of cakes and scones were served and the conversation flowed easily. Darcy steered the conversation to subjects that wouldn't hurt Elizabeth and soon he saw that she relaxed considerably. She laughed softly, smiled lovingly and color came back to her cheeks. He was proud he and his sister could have this affect on her.

When he wasn't talking he was staring at her. He devoured her with his eyes and printed her image in his brain. A small smile was stuck on his face.

"Can I tempt you to play a duet with me later, Miss Elizabeth?" Georgiana asked, "When you visited us at Pemberley, I enjoyed your playing and singing immensely. I'm sure my brother agrees with me." She smirked at him.

Both Elizabeth and Darcy blushed.

"I'm afraid I haven't played for a while," Elizabeth answered, looking a bit uncertain. "I might try an easy piece, but please don't expect too much."

Darcy moved uncomfortably in his seat. Of course, as a governess, she wasn't able to practice. Before he could intervene, there was a soft knock on the door and a servant entered.

* * *

"_Mrs. Goldworth_," the man announced, and an expensively dressed woman came in behind him. She had her nose stuck up in the air and walked in while making a lot of noise.

"GEORGIANAAAA! Oh, how lucky I am to find you home!" She made quite a scene saying everything as posh as possible and waving her arms. She reminded Elizabeth of Caroline Bingley.

Everyone in the room immediately stood up from their seats to silently take in the uninvited guest that had come barging in. Darcy appeared shocked, Georgiana looked embarrassed and Elizabeth was confused. She stood up when there was no need. It had become a custom while she was serving as a governess.

Mrs. Goldworth walked further into the room and looked around her.

"Your special guest has not arrived yet? Or am I too late for tea?" The woman asked bluntly.

"I don't know what you mean," Georgiana blushed deeply and suddenly sounded very insecure.

"Dear friend, you can't fool me! When you mentioned a secret guest would visit you for tea, I couldn't stay away, could I?" the woman spoke loudly while walking through the room liked she owned it. "I just had to know who was coming!"

Elizabeth had to take a step back when the woman came her way. The woman sat down at the place where Elizabeth had just been seated. A good time to be introduced to the woman was almost gone. Apparently, Mrs. Goldworth had barely looked at Elizabeth with one eye and had already seen she was below her notice.

The woman continued, "I expected at least a famous duke or – and this she whispered – _The Prince."_

The woman started rambling away while the Darcy siblings remained stunned. Georgiana tried to find Darcy's eyes and mouthed an apology, but she knew she ruined it. Georgiana unwillingly sat down next to Mrs. Goldworth. Darcy's mind tried to think of a way to fix things. It was terrible enough that he hadn't introduced Miss Bennet as soon as Mrs. Goldworth entered, but now Elizabeth was standing behind the sofa, like a maid, waiting to take her orders. She looked quite forlorn.

He had waited too long. Elizabeth had stood calmly in silence for some time before she started looking around in an uncertain way. She excused herself almost inaudibly and curtsied lightly. She left the room without making a sound.

It felt like all air left his body and he just stood there.

"Brother?!" Georgiana interrupted his blurry thoughts, "Please call for some more tea, will you?" her eyes grew big and she hinted for him to leave the room.

"Yes," he muttered, "Excuse me," and he hurried himself to the hallway.

Elizabeth stood waiting close to the front door while a footman handed over her spencer and bonnet. Although she looked quite pale, she remained calm.

"You are not going?" Darcy asked her with a worried voice. He dreaded her answer, but he already knew what she would say.

"I believe I must," she told him, defeated, while looking towards the floor.

He understood her meaning, but he didn't want her to go. He had planned to invite her for dinner and had even ordered his cook to prepare a delicious meal to impress Miss Bennet. He had arranged the sheet music from the song she had sang at Pemberley and he had hoped to enjoy her company the whole evening. Knowing that she normally didn't receive any invitations, he had hoped she would enjoy herself too. Now, all he had prepared was for naught, and worse,… he had hurt her.

"Let me offer you my carriage." He immediately waved at the footman that was standing near.

"No," she interrupted immediately. "I thank you, but that won't be necessary. I would much rather walk. I won't be expected back for some time. I'd like to spend a bit more time outside of the house."

His heart sunk. He had wasted her valuable free time. She was something he could never have. He gazed at her with big, panic stricken eyes, too afraid to speak and make things worse than they already were. She didn't look back. If he could only look into her eyes once more. _Look at me_, he begged in his thoughts.

A frown formed between her eyebrows. He could see her thinking.

"Please," she hesitated and swallowed away a lump in her throat, "…..please apologize to miss Darcy. And thank you again for the invitation." She sounded kind, but her gaze was on his chest. He could see she tried to give him a genuine smile, but as he could not see her eyes, her words missed the warmth he was craving for.

"Goodbye Mr. Darcy," she added softly and turned around quickly to descend the stairs to the street.

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_If you want to ask/suggest anything please log in and PM me,… or review and I will answer_!


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry for the delay!**

**I wasn't happy with this chapter and took some time in the hope I could improve it... But I'm still not sure about it.**

**To the guest who pointed out the spelling and regency mistakes: thanks for taking so much time to advice me. I will change te spelling mistakes later but I keep to my original story. If I change everything to the real regency rules there would be no story left. This is just my fantasy ;-)**

**enjoy this chapter!**

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She didn't run, but walked hurriedly at a pace that wouldn't give alarm to anyone on the street. She could not think. Her heartbeat quickened. Elizabeth didn't know what to feel. A mix of sadness and anger possessed her. She was not upset with them, no. She was angry with herself for allowing fantasies and fairytales to cloud her good judgment. How could she think she would be accepted? To be welcomed by their acquaintances? She could not blame them. She walked into the first small alleyway she came across and pressed her back against the wall. She tried to calm her breathing.

Her chest rose and fell quickly and her hand reached for her necklace. Just when she thought she found some peace within herself, a door slammed open and a man stepped out.

"Get out of here. No beggars allowed!" he yelled.

His tone made her jump. She felt a shiver run through her body and she stumbled back towards the street.

All her emotions made her dizzy. She cast her eyes to the floor and walked in silence, hoping not to bump into anyone.

Although she had told Mr. Darcy she would enjoy her walk, she now regretted not taking the offer to ride in his carriage. She had never felt so embarrassed in her life. She never though much about her appearance, or cared about what other people thought about her, but now… now she thought about her old dress, her worn out shoes, her old-fashioned bonnet, the blush on her cheeks… It suddenly felt like everyone was watching her to find faults. She never realized she had so many.

Happily for Elizabeth, it was a crisp, but dry April day. Her tears remained unshed and she had to fight not to let them slip down her cheeks.

She breathed in and walked back into her usual life. She entered from the back of the house to remain unseen, but it was in vain. The children soon jumped up and down around her to get her attention. They did not notice her teary eyes and soon, she had no time to think about her personal matters. She had to read, play, and tickle to entertain the little ones. She was glad for the distraction, because it made her forget a little of her troubles.

It was only for a short duration. After tucking them into bed and having one last look to see if they were asleep, she walked up to her little bedroom. Upstairs, she softly grumbled and sighed to herself and pulled some paper from a drawer.

She had to get things off her chest.

_Dear Jane,_

_Don't be alarmed by receiving such a long letter. I have to get some things off my mind._

_I almost don't know where to begin, but I have to tell you I never felt so foolish in my entire life! I can imagine you just letting out a sigh and thinking I must exaggerate, but please believe me, my dearest sister. I will explain everything in detail if you continue to read. _

_In my previous letter, I didn't tell you much and you answered it most patiently. You did not even ask directly about my thoughts and emotions involved with the invitation I had just received. But Jane, you must have been as surprised as I was. To receive an invitation from Mr. Darcy, in my situation, is really unthinkable. Although I could never refuse him anything in my position, if I had been thinking with my head, instead of my heart, I should have never accepted his invitation so willingly as I did. Both Mr. Darcy and I should have known what was to come. _

_When I walked to Grosvenor Square, I had a strange feeling. I have never been one to feel insecure about myself and I am proud to say that people of higher rank do not easily intimidate me. But I must confess I was not completely indifferent to the attentions the master of the house had shown me, but days before. That day, I had told him of our misfortunes, because I was sure he already knew most of it. I think I mistook pity for kindness when he invited me for tea. The days leading up to it, I let my imagination run away with my good sense and although I never forgot our different circles, I almost believed it was not that big to overcome and that we could be friends. Oh, what a simpleton I was!_

_I arrived at the address and a footman in beautiful livery opened the door. The butler welcomed me into the large hallway. I silently stared at all the beautiful decorations and the grand staircase. It is nothing to Pemberley, but I was still very impressed. I never saw such a house in town. Then, I was led through the house. I was so deep in thought, that I didn't even count the numerous doors we came by, nor took time to look at the art that was adorning on all the walls. Marble floors surrounded me. I am sure it was all very elegant, but I could only look at my hands and wonder how I would be received._

_When I was shown into the parlor, the surprise was evident on Miss Darcy's face. I don't know what surprised her more; the fact that her brother invited a woman, or the fact he invited someone who looked quite poor. However, she hid her thoughts well and welcomed me very kindly. _

_It had been a long walk and I was happy to sit down and take some refreshments. Miss Darcy and her brother were most attentive and we talked animatedly for almost an hour. _

_We spoke about music, long walks, the nature in Derbyshire and Kent, and other pleasant sort of things. Mr. Darcy made sure not to bring up subjects that could hurt one of us. _

_Meanwhile, all kinds of delicious looking cakes were offered, but I felt like I couldn't eat anything, so I refused politely. _

_Miss Darcy seems to have grown up the past two years. She used to be quiet, but is now a very enthusiastic young woman. She is much more talkative, which I didn't mind. I believe being out and being among people her own age is doing her good. _

_Until then, I really enjoyed the visit, but it was interrupted by the arrival of another guest. I believe the woman was uninvited, but she did not care. One with so much money might be as careless as one wishes; one who is as poor and unimportant as I, may care enough to remain silent. I believe she did not even notice me, or at least, she ignored me. _

_The worst part was to discover my visit was to be kept secret. It made Miss Darcy blush scarlet and her brother speechless. So speechless, he forgot to introduce me -or more likely, he didn't wish for me to be introduced. Oh Jane, do you blame me for walking away when I should have stood up for myself? _

_I know it was only right to leave the room. I am a servant. I look like a servant. There would be no need to openly acknowledge me. It felt terrible. _

_I never appreciated their friendship like I should have. I thought it evident they should welcome us and visit us like any common neighbor when we lived in Hertfordshire. But really, it was an extraordinary time and it has been nice to have called them acquaintances. I believe that time has now gone._

_I have learned my lesson. On my walk, I did some thinking, and I am now quite content with my situation at the Highats where I am valued and appreciated. Money is certainly convenient, but it is love which gives true happiness. _

_Now it is time to conclude this letter, as I have been writing far too long. I must try to get some sleep, or else, I will not have patience like yours, to spend a whole day with the children tomorrow. _

Elizabeth signed and folded the letter. She couldn't write her sister the other thoughts that haunted her. How she had admired his eyes, how she had blushed when he smiled at her, how she enjoyed their conversation… how she wondered why he was still unmarried, how she wondered if he was sorry for ever meeting her.

She looked in the mirror and brushed her curls away from her face.

She closed her eyes and blew out her candle.

* * *

Darcy stood in his study at he back of the house. It was quiet. So quiet, he could hear himself breathe. He leaned against the windowsill, only to sigh loudly and feel frustrated.

He wondered to himself if he had made a mistake in inviting her. He should have kept his distance; maybe even denied their acquaintance. He had not thought about it until their unexpected friend arrived. How could he ever introduce her to his friends and family? Yet, he did let Georgiana near her. What would people say about his manners if they knew about Miss Bennet's family? It would be a disgrace.

Still, the look in Miss Bennet's eyes, the sound of her voice - it haunted him like a most intoxicating dream. He never wanted to wake up from it. But then again, other memories brought him back to just half an hour ago, when she stood in his house, in one of his rooms,… so ashamed, so little,… so beautiful.

"She is nothing, but she is everything," he whispered while he rested his head against the cold window.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his dark thoughts. He knew exactly who it was.

Footsteps came slowly nearer. Then there was silence. And then there was a voice.

"I'm so sorry," Georgiana finally said, almost in a whisper.

Darcy didn't respond. He wasn't angry with her, but he didn't want her to think everything was fine.

"Mrs. Goldworth has left. She left quite soon, actually. I'm sure she had somewhere more important to go." Georgiana sighed when her brother still didn't respond.

"I know you are unhappy with my behavior. I shouldn't have said anything about our guest… It's just,… I never have anything exciting to tell and they were all so interested…" Georgiana tried to excuse herself.

Darcy took a deep breath. His sister liked gossiping and she was right. What else should she talk about with her friends?

"It's fine," he relented, although he didn't really mean it.

"It's not fine. I ruined your afternoon. I know you looked forward to it." Georgiana wanted to apologize.

He shook his head. "Please don't say that."

"Why ever not? You wanted to see Miss Elizabeth, did you not?"

"I made a mistake. That is all," he sounded weak.

Georgina was surprised. Her brother was sometimes a little gloomy, but he never sounded as dreary as he did now. Apparently, the situation affected him more than he wished to admit

"There was only one mistake. Miss Elizabeth wasn't treated with the respect she deserved. We failed terribly as hosts. We should have interrupted our friend instead of thinking about our embarrassment and ourselves," she told him.

"You are right. I did think only about myself, but…" and it hurt him to say this out loud, "…she was treated the way she deserved." He swallowed away a lump in his throat, still facing the window.

Georgina was shocked and speechless. Darcy could hear her take a deep breath and heard how she struggled to find words, failing miserably.

He knew it was time to explain some things. He turned around to face her.

"I believe you are old enough now, and it has been a while since,… since you believed yourself to be in love," he began.

Georgina was confused and raised her eyebrows. "What has _Wickham _to do with this?"

"Well, everything that goes wrong in my life seems connected with that man. Georgiana, I don't want to hurt you by mentioning him, but he is involved in Miss Bennet's misfortunes."

"Pray brother, tell me! What misfortunes do you talk about? He is nothing to me now, so please go on," she begged.

Darcy began his story. "Maybe I never should have stepped in, but I couldn't help myself when I found Miss Elizabeth Bennet in distress. It was at the time she was visiting Derbyshire with her aunt and uncle. You must remember her sudden departure. I'm sorry to say I concealed the truth from you. I wanted to protect your still fragile heart."

Georgina nodded in understanding. She wouldn't hold it against her brother.

He continued. "Like I said, I found her crying with a letter in her hands. It was from her older sister, who begged her to return home. The letter explained that her youngest sister Lydia, but sixteen years old, had eloped." He gave his sister a meaningful look.

"With Wickham!" she filled in.

"Unfortunately for her, yes. They were already acquainted in Hertfordshire, because he was in the militia there. The militia was soon to leave for another station, so I didn't believe it necessary to warn the local families about Mr. Wickham's habits. I _did_ inform Miss Elizabeth about our history and dealings with him, but asked her not to make it generally known. I needed to protect your honor and she kept the secret to herself."

Georgiana blushed terribly. Although it was a long time ago, she still couldn't look at her brother when he mentioned anything about her mistake. She did wonder why he had decided to share the sensitive information with this young lady, whom they had no connection to.

"Elizabeth immediately knew that Wickham was up to no good. Although the Bennet girls were gentlewomen, they had no connections or dowries that could tempt Wickham to marry. Immediately, I found it my duty to solve the situation and started to think of a plan. In order to arrange my fast departure from Pemberley, I had to leave Miss Bennet alone at the Inn. That was the last time we saw each other." Darcy looked grave as he remembered the look on her face and the sound of the crack in her voice when they said their goodbyes.

Georgiana chose to remain silent, but wondered why he had visited Miss Bennet in the first place, all by himself. It was very improper…. _Except if he,…_ and suddenly, it struck her. Her eyes grew big and she had to suppress a smile, because her brother continued his story and she had to pay attention.

"The next day, I travelled to London with Elizabeth's uncle, where we soon found Miss Lydia and Wickham. Miss Lydia was convinced she was very much in love and would soon be Mrs. Wickham. Alas, Wickham soon made clear to us he had no intension of marrying her. He just wanted to have some fun with a foolish girl. He confessed they had shared a room for several nights and that Miss Lydia's virtue was no longer intact."

Darcy blushed, but tried not to show his embarrassment. Georgiana looked to the floor to hide her surprise.

Darcy went on. "He did not looked ashamed and felt no regret. I was shocked by his abominable behavior and reminded him of his honor and what it would mean to her family if she would fall so low. He just shrugged his shoulders and told me that if I had just given him more money to live on…."

Georgiana's head shot up while she turned pale. "How could he blame you for his situation? You gave him everything he deserved and more!"

"I don't think he deserved any of what I gave him. But, I had to get him to marry Miss Lydia."

His sister now understood why, but didn't say a word.

"Wickham and I agreed on a sum of money. He would get half of that sum directly, and the other half after the wedding. I thought it was a great plan and all would be solved without much trouble." He stopped for a few seconds. Georgiana's anticipation grew.

"What went wrong, brother?"

He sighed. "I should not have trusted him with the money. Apparently, half the sum was enough for him. The next day, Miss Lydia told us Wickham had gone out to buy a proper suit for the wedding and never returned."

Georgiana's hand flew to her mouth in shock.

"We followed his traces. I send some men to investigate his whereabouts. He had been seen boarding a ship that was bound to the continent - maybe to France or Spain. It was no use to follow him."

"And what about Miss Lydia?" his sister asked, expecting to be shocked again.

"The worse scenario possible, I'm afraid, but we didn't know that then. I met her father back in London. He heard about my interference and blamed me. He believed Wickham to be lively and honorable and me to be presumptuous and cold. He said I hadn't been thinking things through. He even implied I had offered him money to leave…." Darcy sighed.

"To prove how wrong he was, I offered to help him find a man to marry his daughter or find another solution. But he told me it was time he took care of his girls for the first time in his life. He would take care of her.

Then, I asked for Elizabeth's hand in marriage. I had not asked her, but I had to prove I had only honorable things on my mind, no matter their situation. I never expected him to laugh at me. He told me he would never give his permission to such an arrogant man, who only looked at people to find their faults. He even told me he knew his daughter hated me. Well, that left me speechless. That was the end of it. I was so angry, I left the place immediately. Later, I heard Miss Lydia was with child, but I knew not how to help them. They were already ruined."

"Oh brother, how terrible! To be so misunderstood! And to be thus rejected while you are a most eligible bachelor. I can't believe it! But what about Miss Elizabeth, what did she think of it?"

"I don't think she knows about my involvement, or about the offer I made for her hand. I don't think she would have been so kind if she knew. I met her again by complete accident. Apparently, she could not take the situation at home and found a low family she could work for." He shook his head in disgust. He wished he could take her from that place.

"I met her in the store that is owned by that family. She is a servant now. A governess. Someone we would never associate with."

Georgiana shook her head, but he mistook her meaning.

"You see, I knew I shouldn't have invited her. Nothing could come of it except for both of us to get hurt," he said, defeated.

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_The conversation between Georgiana and Fitzwilliam will continue in chapter 4 ;-) I am afraid it will take some weeks before I post it. I'm trying to get into town council (next to my other job) and am very busy with the elections. But please don't give up reading,... I promise I will continue!_


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